Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Why Marriages Fail

There are different threats to our marriages today. All of these threats lead towards isolation instead of oneness, which is obviously contrary to God’s plans for marriage.

1) Difficult Adjustments

Something that really stuck out to me in relation to this threat to marriage was a discussion on differing expectations about roles of the husband/wife. I realized that I want to teach my children how to determine and explain expected roles from early on in their lives. Roles such as: daughter/son, student, sibling, etc. If they are encouraged to live comfortably in these roles and are able to explain them, I think that will benefit them in years to come.

2) Our Culture’s Pattern

A 50/50 performance relationship sounds good, but it’s not going to work – my spouse will not make me happy all the time, I will not be able to fulfill all expectations.

3) Inevitable Difficulties

These are obviously coming. Our culture pushes us away in hard times. Take my friend Anna as an example of using inevitable difficulties to draw her closer to her Lord and her husband. What an example.

4) Extramarital Affairs

I didn’t really think we had issues in this department – I mean, we don’t have TIME for an affair… let alone desire or availability. BUT I learned that an extramarital affair is an ESCAPE from reality or a SEARCH fro fulfillment outside of marriage – be it from activates, materialism, career, family, fantasy, or love. A little phrase that hit me was “why do we buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like?”

5) Selfishness

By being self centered we push our relationship towards isolation.

Which of these threats has been the most severe in your marriage? Which has threatened to sever your oneness? How have you, or will you, work to overcome?

1 comment:

Jamie said...

Thank you so much for sharing what you've learned! I am enjoying it already and excited to read more! The part that challenged me the most so far is about selfishness being a threat to my marriage. I struggle with many selfish thoughts, but hadn't thought about that threatening my oneness with Joel!

Joel and I are (slowly) reading through "Sacred Marriage" together, and I think you would really enjoy it! It has challenged me in so many areas and really made me think about how God shapes me through experiences in my marriage.