It's the Little Things in Life...

Just another reminder that really it is the little things in life that can make your day :)

First Things First - Some Background:

Last night some good friends watched Bekah for us while we went to Applebees for a date - we used a gift card and enjoyed a tasty dinner complements of the church! It was our little 27th birthday celebration for me. Nothing better than a nice Oriental Chicken Salad to light up the night :) After dinner we picked Bekah up, brought her home, put her to bed, and watched Julie & Julia - so fun! Oh, back to the actual background though, during dinner we planned out our financial plan for the year - or at least the rough draft of the financial plan of the year. We figured out how we would be able to afford a new printer ASAP as ours is pretty much dead and I use it a lot with my studio!

Since Mike didn't have to go in for the morning day - he only has to go to do his actual show at the station :) (Thank you, Martin Luther King Jr) we decided to run to Sam's Club this morning and pick up a printer! YAY. Our new HP Officejet 6500 Wireless Printer is finishing its set up process right now (with Mike at the helm of course! I stay away from these things!).

Now, the little thing that made my day...

We were walking through the store checking for anything else we might need and as we walked past the bread aisle I noticed that they had our favorite bread in stock again! It's been a few months without it which has been incredibly disappointing! So, when I saw it I exclaimed "Honey, bread is on the list and this is our favorite kind and they've got it in stock again and I'm so happy!!!".

Here's the best part...

An elderly gentleman was walking past, he smiled and said "It's always nice to have something go your way"

Ahh...

It's the Little Things in Life

PS - I've never been known for my short story telling skills... Ask Mike, Albert, Anna, Krista, Emily, Christen, or anyone else...

Challenges

We've been home from the conference a little over two weeks now.

Life gets harder after you learn things and try to implement them.

It's amazing how you get busy, stressed, sick, tired, and LAZY.

But, we have been enjoying growing in our commitment to our Lord, to each other, and to this family.

We know where we were.
We know where we are.
We know where we are going.

What a good time of refreshment!

Leaving a Legacy

After being challenged by the speakers, the Scriptures, and some time with my husband, I was excited to hear what all this knowledge can do if it is implemented!

A godly legacy requires more than an inward focus - it involves outward thinking too!

Leaving a godly legacy requires a reality check - commitment to Christ, commitment to each other, persistence through attacks, discouragement, expectations, accountability, faithfulness.

Leaving a godly legacy requires developing a godly family - God's smallest battle formation!

Leaving a godly legacy requires putting a stake in the ground - I will look at this stake and never revert back behind.

How Marriages Thrive

A Oneness Marriage Consists of Three Essential Ingredients

1) The habit of extravagant love

I was so excited to hear that our extravagant love reflects the love of God! By showing Michael this kind of love I am able to show the world more of who Christ is!

An interesting analogy that helped me understand this...
... marriage is like the moon - reflecting (not radiating) God to a culture that desperately needs Him. If it was radiating (like the sun) then we would be the ones in control - the ones who could never fail...

2) The habit of generous forgiveness

Generous forgiveness begins with humility.

It is twofold - vertical forgiveness from God to me and then horizontal forgiveness from me to you

A thought the speaker gave - Be willing to leave your world and enter into your spouse's world - just like Christ did! This is a great way to show love!

3) The habit of enthusiastic encouragement

Encouragement believes in and motivates your spouse to do what you don't even think is possible to do!

You can chose to be a cheerleader or a referee. Which would you rather be today?

Woman to Woman

As this title suggests, this portion of the series was between women only! I don't really know what the guys talked about, so if you're reading this and you're a guy, I suggest you talk to Mike!

A wise woman embraces God's design for her home
Growing in her relationship with God comes first
Respecting and supporting her husband comes second
Teaching and training her children comes third
Everything else (job, activities...) comes after the above priorities

What a good reminder to me. Where are my priorities falling these days? Honestly, it's awfully easy to put the "teaching and training her children" category first here at my house. Although, it could more appropriately read "teaching, training, feeding, holding, calming, singing to, playing with, reading to, bathing, chasing, and everything else..." that doesn't mean that this is the top priority in my life!

She chooses God's design rather than yielding to others
Intentionally pursues a relationship with God
Actively involved in local church
Takes advantage of opportunities to better understand the Bible
Spends time with other Christian women
She welcomes God's design for marriage in her life
God created the man to be the leader
God created the woman to be the helper and completer
She actively works at being the best wife she can be
Her marriage is her most important human relationship
She gives significant daily attention to her responsibility and call as a mother
Her home is the place where she can change the world
Building up young men and women for the next generation is a most noble task
She demonstrates love for her husband by respecting and supporting him
Respect is a choice to receive him in spite of his weaknesses. This choice empowers him to become the man God created him to be!
She submits to her husband in a complementary, non-competitive manner. Submission isn't inferiority, blindness, or an easy lead into sin. It is rather giving up desire to control and cooperating with him as he seeks to lead
She demonstrates submission in her attitudes, words, and actions
An effective motherly lovingly teaches and trains her children
She looks carefully at the wisdom for parents in the Bible
She lovingly and intentionally guides and instructs the next generation
She introduces them to God and helps them understand the Bible
She communicates the family's values and priorities to her children - randomly and purposefully
She models godly womanhood, knowing her children are always watching
She provides regular instruction, correct, and discipline
She doesn't allow her home to become child-centered
She specifically guides her children in regards to their identities (a gift from God! Loved! Girl or Boy! Good or Bad! Valuable or Worthless!), character (built when positive attitudes are affirmed, character is what you're doing when no one is watching) relationships (honor and respect for parents, proper response to authority, be unselfish and put others first, be confident, compassionate and loyal) , and purpose (prepare them for a life of service - understand their purpose as a child of God. Discover their gifts and talents. Let them use their strengths)
She wisely chooses to depend on God

This lecture reminded me of the vast importance godly womanhood holds! We have such a responsibility to our God, our husbands, our families! It might seem overwhelming, but I actually see it as empowering and exciting. We have such a chance to see and grasp the potential in our husband's and children's lives. We have such a chance to daily put Scripture to use. We have such an opportunity to mold the future. WOW.

Again, there were a couple of books recommended on the topic. Actually, neither of these books deal with motherhood, but rather with our relationships with our husbands. Interesting. Time to put him first (or second I guess...) again!

For Woman Only
I have this book. I've read this book. I've loved this book. I need to read it again.

Intimate Issues
I purchased this book at the conference. I'm reading this book. So far I'm loving this book. Perhaps I'll share more someday.

Keep at it friends! With God's help we can have a meaningful marriage and parenting relationship!

Marriage After Dark

Because of the family nature of my blog, I am not going to try and change many of my notes to something that little eyes could see without question. "Intimacy" is used regarding physical oneness in this blog post.

An interesting thought as we begin:
Intimacy is like a river. This river has God given boundaries. These banks are in place to keep the life giving river bound up. If those boundaries are breached this life giving entity becomes a devastating, life destroying flood.

Intimacy was created by God and designed for our good.
~ It isn't dirty
~ It's not a duty

Our speaker mentioned that intimacy is to marriage as communion is to a believer.

Intimacy is a thermometer that can measure your individual well-being
~ A thermometer measures, a thermostat controls. Obviously it should be a thermometer instead of a thermostat!
~ It can be affected by your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual condition.

Intimacy in marriage can be enhance by understanding the differences between men and woman.
~ For many woman this means learning to turn off and focus on ONLY his needs during this time! No multitasking allowed in the bedroom ladies!

A satisfying intimate life is built on a foundation of
~ Companionship (I belong exclusively to you)
~ Commitment (I trust you and will never leave you)
~ Passion
~ Spiritual Intimacy

There were two books recommended to couples regarding this topic. I'll place a link to them below. If this is an area you are looking for advice in, I would recommend checking them out!

...Intimacy in Marriage

Intimacy Ignited

We Fight Too

It's true, I know, you're probably shocked. We do fight. Plenty. It's not often and it's not often ugly, but we do!

Did you know that conflict is common in ALL marriages?
Did you know that the goal of marriage isn't to be conflict-free, but to handle conflict correctly WHEN it occurs?
Did you know that healthy conflict resolution occurs when couples are willing to seek and grant forgiveness?

If you've got that all under control, obviously you don't need this section!


Conflict comes whenever our desires aren't fulfilled.

Resolving conflict requires loving confrontation.
- Examine the offense
- Consider your contribution to the offense
- Examine your heart
- Lovingly confront if needed
- Speak the truth in love
- Approach the confrontation carefully - time of day, focus,...
- Choose your words carefully
- Remember, the goal is to restore oneness!

Resolving conflict requires forgiveness.
- The offender needs to seek forgiveness humbly
- The offended needs to grant forgiveness - a choise to set the offender free from the debt of the offense, an attitude of letting go, the first step toward rebuilding trust

We minimize conflict when we actively choose to bless one another in marriage.
- Blessing instead of insult
- Kind attitude
- Focus on God and His Word
- Brings about harmony
- Seeks to bring peace instead of trouble

Have you ever heard that Revolution = Rights but Revival = Responsibility? I hadn't. That little analogy has changed my thinking quite a bit. It's not about my rights. If a revolution happens, what usually follows? Not always much. But a revival - now that is a heart matter! So, apparently my responsibility is much more important than my rights. Interestingly enough that was just something I was learning this week in a ladies' Bible study I'm involved in...

Did you know that if you win an argument you're going to bed with a loser...

Have you ever thought that granting forgiveness is the hardest thing a Christian is called to do?

What Every Marriage Needs

This session seemed pretty basic to me - it was really just a re-iteration of how to become a Christian and why the Bible is our standard of living.

* Establish a relationship with God
* Experience an ongoing relationship with God

Spiritual Breathing -
Exhale = confess, repent
Inhale = refill, refuel

From How to Wow

"Oneness grows as we receive our spouse as a gift from God."

- Obviously our culture's pattern for marriage has failed
- God's plan for marriage involves three key responsibilities: Leave, Cleave, Weave

Leave
Leaving is actually done in a context of honor to your parents!
Your spouse must be your primary relationship.
The degree to which you leave is the degree to which you can cleave
Children are arrows, not boomerangs. They need to be straightened, sharpened, and shot...

Cleave
Literally glue together, meld together, become one from two.
We need to chose to receive our spouse as God's perfect gift to us - no matter how perfect or imperfect he may be.
By focusing on God's character we can provide more expertly for our spouse.

Weave
Becoming one flesh isn't getting married or having a physical relationship, it's a process that grows us as individuals and as a couple.
Physical intimacy is an expression of ultimate oneness.

It can be hard to experience God's perfect plan in marriage because of differences, hindrances, weakness, and self-centeredness. Remember, marriages holds your love together - love doesn't hold your marriage together.

Please be encouraged today to strive towards a marriage that glorifies God's perfect plans. Obviously we're not all perfect. Obviously we will all fail along the way. However, as I've been working this past week on changing my mindset and remembering this isn't all about me or even all about my marriage, I've been greatly encouraged in both my physical and spiritual lives!

After this session we were given time alone together to work on a little project. We had a private prayer time to work through any rejection, withdrawal, and bitterness we might have been experiencing. Time to commit to working through differences and difficulties through God. Time to commit to keeping the marriage relationship second only to Christ. Then we wrote love letters describing what we loved about our spouse from the beginning to now, explaining commitments we've made, and dreaming about the future. What a fun little project - I'd encourage you to try it today!

Unlocking the Mystery of Marriage

Marriage has 3 purposes:

1) To Mirror God's Image
The oneness spouse's share reflects the character and unity of God.
It's a living picture of the intimate relationship between Jesus and His believers!

Wow - does our marriage actually mirror God's image? Have I ever thought about it that way before? Are we showing an intimate relationship that can only be realized in Christ?!?! Weighty challenges if you ask me!

2) To Mutually Complete One Another and to Experience Companionship
Companionship in marriage is God's provision to replace isolation and meet our deep longing for a close, intimate relationship.
Oneness is only possible in marriage when we put our spouse's needs, wants, and desires above our own!

3) To Multiply a Godly Legacy
Marriage provides the divine context for having children.
Oneness in marriage is necessary to multiply a godly legacy.
Good parenting is actually a bi-product of a good marriage! So, it's not even just about me and my spouse, it's also about my children!
Raising children is a team effort.
Together
Each
Achieves
More

4) God's Purposes for Marriage are Challenged by an Opposing Force
Satan opposes dependence
Satan challenges God and all His purposes - including marriage!
Conviction, not guilt comes from God - we need to remember this in all areas.

REMEMBER, YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. Satan is pretty tricky. He wants you to think it's your spouse you're fighting instead of him.

Keep at it friends, together with your spouse you are creating a stronghold to hold of Satan in your home and your family.

Can We Talk

The second lecture of the series discussed communication in marriages.

Now, if you personally know Mike or me you know that we don't seem to be lacking in this area! However, communication is more than merely talking! In fact, it deals much more with listening and responding I'd say!

Did you know that the average married couple spends 27 minutes conversing... a week. Yup, that's what the statistics say. You know, it's sad but true at our house. I don't know if it's exactly 27 minutes a week here, but most of our conversation goes like this. "Honey, will you take out the trash?" "Okay." The end.

I know life is busy. I know children are demanding. I know that we're tired. I know because I've used those very excuses. But friends, have you lost the friend you married? Do you feel like you're co-existing with a stranger? Sometimes, I did. The responsibilities we have are nothing compared to the relationship with our spouse! If you're feeling disconnected, do something now to fix it. Be drastic if you need to. If mommy and daddy don't know each other anymore, how will baby know them? One of my greatest challenges this weekend was dealing with this topic - getting back to the us we started with!

4 Tips for Listening Well
- Give focused attention
- Listen with acceptance and understanding
- Ask clarifying questions
- Focus on what is being said, not the way it's being said

4 Tips for Expressing Yourself Well
- Think before you speak
- Not everything you're feeling needs to be expressed
- Ask to make sure you're being understood
- Speak in a way that encourages

Why Marriages Fail

There are different threats to our marriages today. All of these threats lead towards isolation instead of oneness, which is obviously contrary to God’s plans for marriage.

1) Difficult Adjustments

Something that really stuck out to me in relation to this threat to marriage was a discussion on differing expectations about roles of the husband/wife. I realized that I want to teach my children how to determine and explain expected roles from early on in their lives. Roles such as: daughter/son, student, sibling, etc. If they are encouraged to live comfortably in these roles and are able to explain them, I think that will benefit them in years to come.

2) Our Culture’s Pattern

A 50/50 performance relationship sounds good, but it’s not going to work – my spouse will not make me happy all the time, I will not be able to fulfill all expectations.

3) Inevitable Difficulties

These are obviously coming. Our culture pushes us away in hard times. Take my friend Anna as an example of using inevitable difficulties to draw her closer to her Lord and her husband. What an example.

4) Extramarital Affairs

I didn’t really think we had issues in this department – I mean, we don’t have TIME for an affair… let alone desire or availability. BUT I learned that an extramarital affair is an ESCAPE from reality or a SEARCH fro fulfillment outside of marriage – be it from activates, materialism, career, family, fantasy, or love. A little phrase that hit me was “why do we buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like?”

5) Selfishness

By being self centered we push our relationship towards isolation.

Which of these threats has been the most severe in your marriage? Which has threatened to sever your oneness? How have you, or will you, work to overcome?

A Preview

As I digest what we heard and learned this weekend I am filled with an urgent need to share. I want to share how God has changed my life. I want to offer encouragement. I want to remind you that we are no perfect and we always need a little help. And, because I best process by recording my thoughts, this is my easiest way to remember!

Before we left last weekend I was busy. Baby, House, Teaching, Church, Friends, Internet... I didn't really think we needed to go to this weekend. You see, we went two years ago. We've been happily married for about 3.5 years. We have a baby at home to keep us busy. I'm not really a lecture learner.

I was w r o n g

All of these reasons show you how I am not the perfect wife. Not the perfect woman. I had excuses for not wanting to spend a few days alone with the man I married. Why?

Because I felt like I didn't know him anymore.

We had both allowed things to come in the way of us. These things weren't bad. These things weren't sin. These things were necessary life, or at least many were "necessary" until this weekend.

So, join me as I recap some of the poignant topics and insights I gleaned from our Weekend to Remember.

Weekend to Remember

Mike and I got to go to a Weekend to Remember the past 3 days. His station is a sponsor and so they needed to send a representative! We enjoyed 2 nights at a Marriott, lots of eating out, no cleaning/cooking/laundry/dishes, and meaningful lectures and conversations. We did miss our little one, but she was happy at home with Mike's parents.

In the coming days I am planning on sharing many of the topics, quotes and meaningful insights I gleaned from the conference- hopefully to encourage you, my friends, in your roles of Wife and Mom.

But, right now it's time to feed an apparently starving child.

Our 3rd Anniversary

We took Bekah along with us for our Anniversary dinner at Sonic.
We planned to have Olive Garden (thanks to my brother giving us a gift certificate!), but we were too full from our Chinese lunch! So we had a fun family picnic instead :)